Tuesday, January 25, 2011

State this Union, buddy

I'm not watching the president's State of Union speech. I usually do, even when I don't like the president very much. And I still kinda like this one. Not sure what it is this time around. Possible reasons:

-I've stopped taking my ADD meds because I haven't had any time to write--so why bother?--and so I could go to sleep at a decent hour and feel semi-human again. So maybe I'm a little more detached than usual. I'm definitely more tired than usual.

-I'm still depressed over the Patriots loss, even though I understand that the Jets played the best possible game they could, the Pats are still very, very young, and the offensive coordinator is a fucking moron who can't adjust in-game and for some reason thinks Ben-Jarvis Green-Ellis can't punish an opposing defense the way tiny Danny Woodhead can. I also understand that I'm too old to really care this much, and that the Celtics are going to ruin in the playoffs. But this could have been Tom Brady's shot at a fourth ring, which would put him in Montana territory, and they're going to be even better next year, which would have been a shot at an unprecedented fifth ring, which is just nuts...so yeah, I'm still bummed.

-We might have to move in a month, I have no job, and even if I do get one in the immediate future, I don't want to leave the kid with a babysitter, even one I trust and like. What's the point of having kids if you pass them off to someone else during the only 5 years when they really belong to you, before school and friends and all that crap? The only consolation would be if I got a job where I made enough money so Wife could stay home. But that will never happen because my skills don't match what the market wants and I can't get an interview to save my....do I even need to explain this?

-Wife got me a Nook Color for Christmas, and it has rocked my reading world. She's smooth like that. Really. Best present ever. I've read four or five books already, and I only started using it for real during the first week of January.

-Brooklyn Decker has been on TV a lot--she's in that awful-looking Adam Sandler movie we've all seen a thousand times--and thus, frying my brain. Did she really date Andy Roddick? A tennis player? Have some self-respect, sweetheart. If you're going to settle, make it a hockey player. At least they're rich and tough. And maybe even a dirty Russian, which I guess is kind of cool. Well, cooler than a mustachioed Canadian, anyway.

-I keep wondering why I can't get a story published. This starts with me silently accusing all the editors of being elitist losers who don't understand my genius, slowly morphs into me recriminating myself for being unrealistic about my own lack of actual talent, detours into a bout of TV watching and alcohol consumption, and comes full circle back to where it all started. It actually takes up way more time than you'd think.

-Maybe it's that there are no more barriers to cross. All I have in common with the uncontrollable and the insane, the vicious and the evil, all the mayhem I have caused and my utter indifference toward it I have now surpassed. My pain is constant and sharp and I do not hope for a better world for anyone, in fact I want my pain to be inflicted on others. I want no one to escape, but even after admitting this there is no catharsis, my punishment continues to elude me and I gain no deeper knowledge of myself; no new knowledge can be extracted from my telling. This confession has meant nothing. (totally stole 99% of this from American Psycho)

-You can find anything on the internet! Anything! The possibility for distraction is endless. Observe: the greatest opening to any show, ever, in the history of television.

Whine whine whine.


  1. I think this is my favorite blog post yet.

  2. Is a Dirty Russian a new drink? Don't worry the world may end in 2012 and all your frustration will have been for naught. Speaking of which I've booked a cruise for 2013, they gave me a HUGE discount and an upgrade, and because the ship is of Norwegian registry they've named me King. If I die first and find out there is no heaven I'll build one so you'll be able to look in from the outside. Love (until the DNA test proves otherwise) Your Dad.